8 People You Meet at Every Tournament

Christian Homeschool Speech and Debate Kids are...interesting people. We spend our time researching obscure policies, talking to walls, and celebrating making people cry. Within our group, there are certain people you will surely encounter. After spending my middle school and high school years at countless tournaments, I've noticed that there are eight people you meet at every tournament.

1. The Prepared

These competitors come to the tournament with not one, not two, but three debate boxes. How they fit those in the back of their van the world may never know. Going into rounds, they pull out three six inch binders. And that's just for affirmative rounds. They wrote their speeches in August and memorized them the first week in September. Chances are, if you need a brief for your round, they will be able to provide.

2. The Unprepared

The exact opposite of the Prepared, the Unprepared wrote their speech the week before the tournament and memorized it yesterday. They are the LDers who write entire neg cases during the AC, the interpers who cut lines on the way to script submission, the expos-ers who tape things to their board outside of their rounds. Occasionally Always stressed.

3. The Napper

They stayed up late the night before the tournament because they forgot about script submission. Now, in the ten minutes between rounds. this competitor is asleep on the couch in the lobby. Don't worry; they will wake upon the postings stampede and attend their round on time*.

*Punctuality is not guaranteed with the purchase of a "the Napper."

4. The Casual

This person is not competing at the tournament. Most likely, they showed up a couple of hours after everyone else, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, making all the formally dressed teenagers super jealous. This is not to be confused with someone who didn't break and is now wearing the sweats of depression. This is a person who did not ever participate in the tournament, except to make everyone aware of how uncomfortable dress shoes are. Often overlaps with the Alumni, but not always.

5. The Breaker

Also known as the Medalist or the Winner, the Breaker is that one person who breaks in every event they compete in. Most people don't compete in as many events in prelims as this student competes in in finals. In many cases, this person is also the Humble, who never acts like breaking in literally everything (including that event you had no idea they were doing) is a big deal and is always looking shocked during the awards ceremony.

6. The Snacker

Goldfish, Pringles, those organic maple leaf things from Trader Joe's, this kid brought everything. If you're lucky, this person will share their treasures with you. This person knows how to make friends. The key to the heart of debaters is snack food. In that time between meals, hunger strikes. The snack kid strikes back.

7. The Alumni

They show up, Starbucks and ballot in hand. Since their last NITOC, they have grown an attempt at a beard. They wear converse and flannel and joggers. Everyone is overjoyed to see them. The ballots they return have handwriting just legible enough to read the many, many comments they've written. They stroll around the student area with plates loaded with judges' food. Not because they're hungry, but just to show off the fact that they can now eat judges' food*.

*Also, they're hungry. College students are always hungry for free food.

8. The Humble

Typically a fifth or sixth year competitor (though there are exceptions), the Humble is the person everyone says they want to be when giving the devotional at club, but few people actually are. They don't care what club someone is from, how well they do in competition, how old they are, how fashionable others' suits are--they just care about you. They are friends with anyone and everyone, and are always helping break down the tournament once everything's said and done. They may do well in competition, they may not. But everyone knows their name, not because it's been announced 12 times during the awards ceremony, but because this person made an effort to be loving and friendly with as many people as possible.

Vote affirmative, so I can be the Breaker.

Stoa Olympics

People from all over, coming together for fierce days of competition. Bitter feelings are forgotten, replaces by friendly rivalry. All come together in one grand location for one reason: speech and debate nationals. (And the Olympics too I guess.)

There are many parallels between our forensic activities and the great Olympic games. Not the athletic ability, obviously. There's a reason we're debaters and not football players.

But aside from the coming together of different peoples (you know, Stoa South, Colorado, California, and all those scattered everywhere else), there are other similarities between the Olympics and homeschool speech and debate. Don't believe me?

There's water polo, which nobody really understands (what's polo anyway? I thought that was just a kind of shirt), but people enjoy watching because they'd never do it themselves (sports are hard enough with people splashing chlorine in your face). In other words, it's parli. People who don't do it don't understand and everyone who does do it looks crazy.

Table tennis is a sport that's fun to watch because you're like, 'hey, I can do this.' And then when you actually try to do you realize that yes, even table tennis requires talent. Like the talent not to call it ping pong. It's kind of like TP. You watch it, think, 'hey, that's looks so easy.' Then you try to do it and regret all your life decisions. And calling table tennis 'ping pong' is like calling TP 'toilet paper.'

LD is like the swimming and running. You get all excited while it's happening, and then it's over and you don't know what happened because if all happened so fast. How could anyone go that fast?

I tried to find an equivalent to extemp, but the Olympic events are all pretty interesting. So, uh, I'll just borrow a winter sport and say ... Curling? Close enough.

Gymnastics is the event everyone loves to watch. While no one would intentionally tune in just to watch curling (I mean really, curling?), everyone wants to watch gymnastics because it's fun and interesting. It's like interps. No one wants to watch extemp, but you're lucky if you can find a good spot on the floor in HI finals.

I'd say duo is like synchronized swimming, but synchronized swimming is just weird and duo is awesome.

Vote affirmative, because you'd rather watch duos than volleyball.

Competitor Stereotypes 2 - The Fourth Year Confessions

While there are no limits on who can do what event (we all know that amazing LDer who also always wins at interps), there are stills certain qualities which belong to those who compete in certain events. These are those qualities. (Continued from here.)

Interps

HI

Only the truly, deeply hilarious can have a shot at this event. Their comedic timing is more on point than that one tournament director's. Usually a younger competitor, HIs are typically loud and energetic. But every now and then, the quiet, seemingly serious competitor who usually wins TP will start competing in this event. And winning. All the time. And everyone will be like, 'wow how did you make your voice sound like that and why are you suddenly the most hilarious person I know?'

"I can't believe I missed TP finals breaks because I was still in HI finals!"

DI

While the dramatic interpretation competitors seem like they would be, well, dramatic. You will not find them crying in the corner (unless they're giving their speech to a wall). You will not usually find them telling stories about holocaust survivors (again, unless they're giving their speech). They do not randomly burst into tears while quoting Steel Magnolias. More likely, DIs will be the ones you meet in the hallways, laughing and being friendly. When you ask them what events they're competing in, you'll expect them to say duo or HI. But no. If you go watch their speech, you will cry. Do not try to stop it. You'll only make it worse.

"Anyway, I have to go make all my judges and audience members weep openly with my heart wrenching speech that will make you question your entire life."

Duo

You watch these competitors to laugh, and sometimes walk out of the room crying. Those who compete in duo will always be found with their partner (unless their partner is in extemp prep, being late for their Duo round). They constantly play off each other's witty statements. They're likely to be TP partners as well. And they're definitely matching down to their socks. If not, you probably won't see them in finals.

"I can't believe you put on the wrong tie! We'll never get that checkmark now!"

OI

OIs are enigmas. You never know what they're going do next. They could make you throw your head back laughing, or make you break down in tears. They are more creative than you, and probably funnier. And they can also make you cry. Being so unpredictable, it is best to stay away from such competitors and watch from a distance until their behavior begins to make sense. If one chooses to risk being around these competitors, even more unpredictable than OOs, one must always be on one's toes. Watch yourself, friends.

"If you watch my speech, you won't have to worry about DIs and HIs because my speech will make you laugh and then crush your soul."

Debate

Parliamentary

Parli debaters are, quite frankly, insane. Rather than turning to rollercoasters or rebellion as means of getting an adrenaline rush, they turn to prepping a full debate round in 15 minutes. Some call them brave, others call them foolish. They're probably brave. They're definitely foolish. They are also extremely impressive, and will make you feel inferiors. And they probably have bruised knuckles because Parli is cool enough to create a new way of signifying agreement.

"Well said! Jolly good! Here here! Or is it 'hear hear?'"

Team Policy

Always digging through a debate box (or two), always researching against that one case, TPers are drowning in paper and sticky notes and extensive knowledge about some obscure topic like trade policies with South Korea. Yet out of that mess, they come up with polished speeches that actually make sense even though you aren't exactly sure what they're talking about. They will pick apart everything you say, word by word, outdated evidence by outdated evidence. Stay out of their way when they're on their way to rounds. If you do not, you will get run over by ten debate boxes and debaters lending 50+ page briefs to other competitors.

"I have three responses to your argument about why we shouldn't have Chick-Fil-A at tournaments, each with two sub-points and an MPX."

Lincoln Douglas

Most frequently found with the LD Secret Society, commenting on deep philosophical issues and the immense length of TP rounds. While they don't have a lot of time, they can still take you down on most issues, while at the same time making you question everything you once believed. Everything they say probably has a deeper meaning than you could possibly comprehend. And unlike TPers, they actually have free time and have far fewer paper cuts.

"As it relates to the value of quality of life, we can clearly see that TP does not uphold the criterion of free time, which indicates that LD is the winner of this debate round."

Competitor Stereotypes 1 : The Fourth Year Confessions

With 12 events plus a wildcard or two, Stoa has a lot of options for all us little teenagers to compete in. From HI to LD to Extemp, there's a wide variety of events. And therefore, there is a wide variety of people who do these events. Here's what we think of them:

Limited Prep

Apologetics

Those who dare put their foot in the door an apologetics round are truly brave. They risk their theology being ripped to shreds because of a 6 minute speech that they may or may not have prepared a card for. They have literal buckets full of Bible verses and C.S. Lewis quotes. Apologetics competitors can frequently be found having theological discussions outside of their competition rooms and probably somewhere reading their Bibles.

"What's your opinion on predestination?"

Extemp

Once the confusion between extemp and expos has been cleared up (this usually takes the entire first year), it is easy to determine who is an extemper. They are usually panicked about making it to their draw time, while also having several other events in the same pattern (dear tournament schedulers, please do not put extemp and duo in the same pattern. This has proved disastrous on many occasions).  DO NOT approach an extemper on his or her way to the prep room or their competition room. Approach them after the round to discuss what topic they pulled and learn how they couldn't find a single article on their topic so they just made everything up.

"Can I go before you? I have to do duo with my partner RIGHT NOW so I can make to my draw on time."

Impromptu

Probably a novice, or an advanced competitor who really wants impromptu to be a NITOC event. You'll see many impromptu-ers pacing outside of his or her competition room, going over examples and points and stories and trying to remember what relevance the sticking out of the thumb has to the structure of a speech. While we all wish impromptu were, yet again, a regular event, the leaders of Stoa have not yet announced any plans on restoring our great event to its former glory.

"What does 'NITOC Break-Out Event' mean anyway?"

Mars Hill

Found reading books, listening to *gasp* secular music, and discussing the latest Hunger Games movie. These students are excellent at "Jesus Juking" conversations, but often choose to refrain from doing so because that's awkward. They carry binders full of song lyrics, movie plots, and book blurbs. If they aren't carrying these binders, they are running around the building looking for these binders so they don't crash and burn in their round because they didn't know the lyrics to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction."

"Katniss offering her life for Prim's is like what Jesus did for us."

Platform

Original Oratory

These competitors are unpredictable. One minute, they'll be deeply emotional and moving, the next they'll be reciting endless facts and statistics, the next they'll be cracking jokes about some obscure topic. They're constantly thinking of new topics, and are prone to Mid-Season Change Syndrome, a condition which causes students to write and rewrite various speeches of different topics, which leads to the student cramming ten minutes of words into their heads on the journey to the tournament.

"I memorized my speech my this morning...I've totally got this.."

Persuasive

If you want to hold firmly to your opinion on a controversial subject, stay away from those who compete in persuasive. They will stop at nothing to sway you to their position. They use emotional stories, shocking statistics, quotes from a multitude of highly accredited persons. Do not argue with these people. You will lose. They know more than you. They are deeply passionate about whatever subject they have chosen. When forced to abandon their speech at the end of NITOC, they are often lost because their passion has been temporarily drained. But once the summer is over, they are back at it, being smarter and more well read than you could hope to be...in that one specific subject.

"I can't believe you didn't finish that water bottle. There are kids in Africa who would give everything the have for one drink of that."

Expository

Expository competitors are most often found with tape and/or glue in hand, desperately trying to repair their boards before the start of the next round. They lurk in the deep reaches of the expository storage room, a place non-expository competitors fear to tread. DO NOT touch the boards. DO NOT touch the props. DO NOT touch the easels. You will NOT survive the encounter.

"Gotta go. My boards are falling apart. Again."


Since my timer is about to go off, you'll have to wait until my partner's next speech to see the rest of the event hasty generalizations. For now, I encourage you to vote affirmative, and stay away from extempers on their way to rounds. It's for your own safety.

Next time on Competitor Stereotypes: Interpers and Debaters