Debate It Off

(To the tune of Taylor Swift's Shake It Off)

I stay up too late
Working on so many briefs
That's what coaches say (mmm mmm)
That's what coaches say (mmm mmm)
I'm doing too much speech
But I can't make 'em break
At least, that's what coaches say (mmm mmm)
That's what coaches say (mmm mmm)

But I keep speaking
Can't stop, won't stop, tweaking
It's like I got great case in my mind
Saying neg will never win

Because advanceds are gonna break break break break break
And the judges will be late late late late late
Baby, I'm just gonna de-bay-ay-ay-ate
Debate it all, debate it

when the judge votes on that argument you
made up in the middle of your speech

I may never break break break break break
But I will never hate hate hate hate hate
Baby, I'm just gonna de-bay-ay-ay-ate
Debate it all, debate it

I never miss a line
I'm lightning in my speech
And that's what they don't see (mmm mmm)
That's what they don't see (mmm mmm)
I'm speaking in OO
Make a judge cry as I go
That's what they don't know (mmm mmm)
That's what they don't know (mmm mmm)

But  I keep flowing
Can't stop, won't stop tagging
It's like I got this great speech in my mind
Sayin' "I'm gonna be just fine"

Because advanceds are gonna break break break break break
And the judges will be late late late late late
I may never break break break break break
But I will never hate hate hate hate hate
Baby, I'm just gonna de-bay-ay-ay-ate
Debate it all, debate it all

I, I debate it all (xLike 12)

Hey hey hey
Just think while you've been getting down and out about the judges and the dirty, dirty negs in your round, you coulda been getting down to this parody

My partner dropped an argument
I'm like oh my gosh
But I'mma just debate
And to the novice over there
Who's stressin' over breaks
Come on over, newbie
Just debate-ay-ate

Cuz advanceds are gonna break break break break break
And the judges will be late late late late late
I may never break break break break break
But I will never hate hate hate hate hate
Baby, I'm just gonna de-bay-ay-ay-ate
Debate it all, debate it all

I'll Flow Your Case

So I've decided to venture out from Disney parodies and try my hand at a Taylor Swift song. I do not hold the views expressed in this parody or the original song. So, without further ado...

I'll Flow Your Case - A parody of Taylor Swift's Blank Space.

Nice 1NC
Where's your flow?
I could show you my negative briefs
DAs structured perfectly
Heard you speak and I thought
Oh my gosh, look at that case
You look like my next neg loss
Debate's a game
We should partner

New briefcase
Suit and tie
I can read you like a 1AC
You have funny openers
And you know my analogies
So hey, let's trial
I'm dying to win this next tourney
Grab your aff case and my pens
I can make a novice win for a weekend

So it's gonna be the whole year
Or we'll never qualify
When the tournament's ended
We'll see if you won't cry
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But you know I love debaters
And you love debate

Cause you're young and you're novice
We may not get that far
We'll make it to outrounds
Or without a new checkmark
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But I've got a blank legal pad
And I'll flow your case

Colored pens
New blazer
I could show you my negative briefs
Definitions, solvency
You're the 1, baby, I'm your 2
Find out what you run
Debate that case for a month
But the tourney's yet to come
Oh no

Solvency, uninherent
I could make all the DAs turn
Contradictions in my speech
Keep you second guessing like
Oh my gosh
Signifcance destroys our case
And your speech
But I'll bring up a brand card
Cause darling, I'm 1A giving the AR

So it's gonna be the whole year
Or we'll never qualify
When the tournament's ended
We'll see if you won't cry
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But you know I love debaters
And you love debate

Cause you're young and you're novice
We may not get that far
We'll make it to outrounds
Or without a new checkmark
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But I've got a blank legal pad
And I'll flow your case

Judges ignore 2ARs in RFD

Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

Judges ignore 2ARs in RFD

Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

So it's gonna be the whole year
Or we'll never qualify
When the tournament's ended
We'll see if you won't cry
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But you know I love debaters
And you love debate

Cause you're young and you're novice
We may not get that far
We'll make it to outrounds
Or without a new checkmark
Got a long list of ex-partners
They'll tell you I can't speak
But I've got a blank legal pad
And I'll flow your case

The First Tourney This Season - The Third Year Chronicles #10

(Inspired by for the First Time In Forever, from Disney's Frozen, as well as the upcoming tournament season.)

Registration is open, the schedule's announced

I didn't think they'd tell us this that fast

Who know we'd need 8,000 TP briefs?

For months I've researched for extemp

Why have give an OO with no judge?

There are already people on the waiting list

There'll be actual real debate rounds

Not just practice at club

But wow am I so ready for those breaks

At the first tourney this season

There'll be extemp and duo

At the first tourney this season

I'll be giving my OO

I don't know if I'm just nervous and anxious

Or if I'm actually prepared

But at the first tourney this season

I'll be with my friends

That night imagine me standing up

Waiting for them to call first place

The picture of nerves and excitement

I'm suddenly standing all alone

Everyone else from finals called on stage

I want to freak out, cry, but I keep face

And then I walk and take my trophy

Which is totally amaze

Nothing like the medals from last year

At the first tourney this season

I can read first place ballots

At the first tourney this season

I can take home big trophies

And I know it is totally crazy

To think I'll even place

But at the first tourney this season

At least of I've got a chance

Don't let them in

Don't let them see

Give the platform you always have to give

OO, extemp

Do persuasive

Give one interp and everyone will know

But there's only four weeks left

(There's only four weeks left)

It's agony to prep

(It's agony to prep)

Tell me when there's only one day left

(One day)

At the first tourney this season

I'm getting what I've waited for

A chance to give my brand new speech

A chance to see my friends

And I know it all ends that Sunday

So it has to be that week

Cause at the first tourney this season

The first tourney this season

Nothing's in my way!

For the first time in forever, vote affirmative.

(This post is part of a series called The Third Year Chronicles. Click here for TTYC #9)

I Do Parli - The Third Year Chronicles #7

(Inspired by 'I See the Light' from Disney's Tangled and my participation in parli this year.)

All those days researching one topic

All those years, with one single rez

All that time, printing off TP briefs and doing e-ring

Now I have fifteen minute prep time

Now I have dozens of flow sheets

Prepping here, it's oh so clear

I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I do parli

There's no cross-examination

At last I do parli

And it's like the rez is new

And it's fast paced with no prep

And my partnerships have shifted

All at once the resolution's different

I'm partnered with you.

All those days dragging my debate box

All those years madly printing briefs

All that time wishing I could knock during my partner's speech

Now we're here, writing down contentions

Now we're here, suddenly I know

Debating here, it's crystal clear

I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I do parli
There's no cross-examination
At last I do parli
And it's like the rez is new
And it's fast paced with no prep
And my partnerships have shifted
All at once the resolution's different
I'm partnered with you.

(This post is part of a series called The Third Year Chronicles. Click here for TTYC #6.)

I Can Go To NITOC - The Third Year Chronicles #6

(Based off I Can Go The Distance from Disney's Hercules.)

I have often dreamed of a tournament
Where a great big trophy will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer when they hear my speech
And the judges keep saying that I win first place

I will write my speech, I can find a thesis
My great speech topic will make judges shed tears
I know every ballot, will leave me ranked first
I would practice for hours 'til I qualify for Nats

I just wrote my speech, I can give my thesis
Tournaments are long, but somehow I'll be strong
I know every coach will help me do well
I will go to tournaments until I qualify

***

Yes, I have often dreamed of such a tournament. I will indeed write my speech, along with a thesis statement to go with it. I will practice and my coaches will help me. However, not all of my ballots are going to rank me first. I may not go home with giant trophies that are perfect for eating unhealthy servings of ice-cream. I don't know if I will qualify for NITOC. But Nationals shouldn't be the goal. Yes, it's a great and wonderful thing, qualifying for nats. Yes, I would totally like to go to NITOC in all of my events (and I have a crazy amount of events).

But those two coveted green checkmarks aren't what we should be competing for. As we go into this speech and debate year, we need to be reminded of that. We won't win every round and we won't win every tournament and we may not even go to NITOC. Does that mean that all the hard work we poured into our speeches and into our beloved cases and briefs is wasted?

NO!!!

If your reason for competing in speech and debate is trophies and medals and glory, then, as Jordan Taylor would say, you're doing it wrong! The hardware is fine. Win trophies, get checkmarks, go to NITOC. But please, please remember why we love speech and debate so much.

It's the nerves we feels during breaks, wanting desperately for our friends to break. It's the cold lunches we share with our people at tournaments. It's the friendships we develop at tournaments and club meetings and the time in between. It's the reaction your friend has when they get their first 1st Place ballot. It's the clapping and cheering during awards as our friends walk across the stage. It's the adrenaline rushes and excitement before every round and every tournament.

There are so many things I love about speech and debate, but most of all, I love the people. You guys, my people, my friends, my family.

I want to qualify for NITOC. I want to win trophies. But those things aren't my goals this year. This year I want to show love to other people. I'll pray for my fellow competitors, not just right before rounds, but between tournaments, because we all have our struggles, and we all need prayer. I want to encourage other competitors, not tear them down. I want to be known for showing God's love to everyone around--judges, competitors, parents, juniors. I want our club to be known for showing God's love. I want Stoa to be known for showing God's love.

Trophies are nice, and it feels good to have medals dangling around your neck. But don't let those things, or a NITOC qualifying checkmark become your goal.

Vote affirmative, but, more importantly, show love to others, and remember why we do this crazy thing called forensics.

(This post is part of a series called The Third Year Chronicles. Click here for TTYC #5.)

In Season - The Third Year Chronicles #3

(Based off In Summer from Disney's Frozen.)

Sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine what it'd be like when tournament season does start.

Speech written, LDers writing their values
And I'll be doing what TPers do in season
A case in my hand, a debate box and brand new Post-it notes
Probably getting gorgeous trophies in season

I'll finally watch a speech written to inspire the judges
And find out what happens to extempers in extemp prep

And I can't wait to see what the judges all think of me
Just imagine how great speeches will be in season

Speech and debate are both so intense,
put 'em together and do extemp

Summer's a good time to have camp and frisbee
But put me in season and I'll be a--HAPPY SPEECHER

When my friends are gone I like to hold on to my dream
Relaxing at tournament,
Just waiting for breaks

Oh the lunch will be cold
And my friends will be there too

When I finally do what TPers do in season

IN SEAAAAASOOOON

What TPers do in season

((This post is part of a series called The Third Year Chronicles. Click here for TTYC #2)

The Colors of Interp

(To the tune of Colors of the Wind, from Disney's Pocahantas.)

You think I'm a ignorant speecher
And you've won so many outrounds, I guess it must be so.
But still I cannot see, if the speecher one is me
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know.

You think you own whatever tourney you win
That patterns are just a dead things you can waste
But I know every interp, platform, IE
Has a round, has a pattern, has a name

You think the only speeches that are speeches
Are the speeches with three minute cross-ex
But if you read the script of a persuasive
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever seen a DI where they cry a lot
Or ask an HI giver why they grinned?
Can you speak with all the passion of a platform?
Can you act with all the colors of interp?
Can you act with all the colors of interp?

Come run the hidden hallways of a pattern
Come watch an HI done by your partner
Come cry and weep and wallow during DI's
And for once never warrant your interp

The duos and the apols are my events
The DI's and OO's are my favorites
Though TP and LD are both amazing
IE's rule over the awards ceremony

How long can an expos go?
If you never watch, then you'll never know
And you'll never see a DI where they cry a lot
For whether we interp or we debate
We need to speak with all the passion of a platform
We need to act with all the colors of interp

You can win a round and still, all you'll win is debate 'til
You can act with all the colors of interp.

This one goes out to all those debate-only people.

Let It Flow

(To the tune of 'Let It Go' from Disney's Frozen.)

The negative team brought up great arguments, but we know how to respond
A speech full of solvency args, but they don't stand at all
The round keeps going with no certain end in sight
Here we are at last, in the 2AR

'Don't pass this case, it's not solvent. Their harms aren't significant at all.
Keep the status quo, their plan won't work'
Well, it does work!

Let it flow, let it flow!
Neg can't win this round anymore
Let it flow, let it flow!
Don't keep the status quo
Our plan meets their topicality
Vote affirmative
DA's never bothered me anyway

It's funny how the 2A makes arguments seem small
And the DA's that they've brought up, they aren't unique at all
It's time to pass an aff ballot, to enact our mandates so we can
Break tonight, to the finals round
We win this round!

Let it flow! Let it flow!
Their arguments do not stand
Let it flow! Let it flow!
As this round comes to an end
Pass our plan, and vote for the rez
Vote affirmative

The solvency args really don't apply at all
The topicality press, you can see it falls
They dropped the advantages from the 1AC
Our plan benefits you, don't keep the status quo!

Let it flow! Let it flow!
And we'll break to the finals round
Let it flow! Let it flow!
We've won, I'm sure you've found
Our plan will fix the status quo
Vote affirmative!
The flow never bothered me anyway.

You Know You're A Christian Homeschooled Speech and Debate Kid When...

(For the record, this is a direct rip off of Blimeycow's You might be a homeschooler... I'll try to make up in the creativity department for the lack of originality.)

You know you're a CHSADK when you have specific pens for all the stock issues.

You know you're a CHSADK when you spend hours trying to decypher judge handwriting.

You know you're a CHSADK when you start wearing suits for fun.

You know you're a CHSADK when the word 'parametrics' is more than random letters put together.

You know you're a CHSADK when you start impact calculating what food you should order at McDonald's.

You know you're a CHSADK when you have a mini panic attack because a speech and debate legend just started talking to you.

You know you're a CHSADK when the Heritage Foundation is in your top ten most visited sites.

You know you're a CHSADK when 'breaking' is a good thing.

You know you're a CHSADK when you have to explain the difference between 'expos' and 'extemp' to your non-CHSADK friend... for the twelfth time.

You know you're a CHSADK when you accidentally walk in on a meeting of the LD Secret Society.

You know you're a CHSADK when you witness the deepest theological debate you've heard outside of apologetics finals.

You know you're a CHSADK when you end up stalking your ex-debate partner's current debate partner's brother's ex-debate partner after ten minutes on speech ranks.

You know you're a CHSADK when you get trampled in the race for postings for the third time this tournament.

You know you're a CHSADK when you quote your debate partner in the 2NR.

You know you're a CHSADK when you crowd into duo finals and end up sitting under the judge's table.

You know you're a CHSADK when you lash out at someone for calling impromptu 'improv.'

You know you're a CHSADK when you've spent hours watching speeches on Youtube.

You know you're a CHSADK when you say words like permutation and tabula rosa just to confuse your non-CHSADK friends.

You know you're a CHSADK when you come close to burning your ballots because the judge voted on your dinosaur socks and not the flow.

You know you're a CHSADK when you stopped reading the first part a long time ago.

You know you're a CHSADK when you start writing your platform five months before the first tournament.

You know you're a CHSADK when you give more speeches to walls and stuffed animals than you do to people.

You know you're a CHSADK when you've started quoting your duo.

You know you're a CHSADK when you know the best ways to avoid the timer lady.

You know you're a CHSADK when you come up with nicknames for tournaments.

You know you're a CHSADK when people start glaring at you because of your amazing penguin analogy.

You know you're a CHSADK when you can effortlessly speak in public.

You know you're a CHSADK when you accidently end a prayer with 'thank you for judging.'

You know you're a CHSADK when you end every blog post with 'vote affirmative.'

You know you're a CHSADK when you do vote affirmative.

TP's an Open Door

(To the tune of "Love is and Open Door" from Disney's Frozen. Created with the help of Maria and Julia.)

All my life has been a series of speech and debate
And then suddenly I debate with you

I was thinkin' the same thing, cause like
I've been waiting my whole life to win first place
And maybe it's the tourney talking, or the tournament food

But with you, But with you
I'll win first place
I see your case
And it's nothing like I've ever known before

TP's an open door
TP's an open door
TP's an open door With you, with you, with you, with you
TP's an open door.

I mean it's crazy-
-What?
We finish each other's-
T-Presses!
That's what I was gonna run!

I've never seen theory that looks so much like mine
Jinx! Jinx again!

Our extemp synchronization, can't have but one explanation
You
And I
Were
Just meant to be!

Say goodbye (say goodbye) To LD of the past
We don't have to value any more!

TP's an open door
TP's an open door
Policy's so much more With you, with you, with you, with you
TP's an open door.

Can I say something crazy? Will you partner with me?
Can I say something even crazier? Yes!

Can I say something crazy? Will you vote affirmative?

When Will My Round Begin

(To the tune of "When Will My Life Begin" from Disney's Tangled)

7:00am, the usual touney line-up

Start on my speech and practice and polish up

Duo, extemp, impromptu, mars hill, apol

Speech again and by then it's like, 7:15?

So I'll watch a speech, or maybe two or three

I'll add a few new cards into my 2AC

I'll play guitar and time and eat and basically

Just wonder when will my round begin?

Then after lunch it's parli and juniors round two

A break for tab room and Apples to Apples too

Practicing, chatting, texting and announcements

Then I'll stretch, maybe sketch, take a nap, write a script

And I'll re-write my speech, if I have time to spare

I'll fix my 1AC, I'm sure there's room somewhere

And then I'll time and time and time and time extemp

Stuck in the same room I've always been

And I'll keep wondering, and wondering, and wondering, and wondering

When will my round begin?

And tomorrow night, awards will appear

Just like they do on the third day each year

What is it like, up where they glow?

Now that I've practiced, tab room might let me go.

Vote affirmative... as soon as my round starts, that is.

Disney Debaters

You know, if you think about it, a lot of the Disney princesses were homeschooled. Rapunzel, Anna, Elsa, Jasmine, Aurora. Which explains why Anna was all like, 'there'll be actual, real live people. It'll be totally strange.' Because homeschoolers have seen very few actual real live people. They spend most of the time dreaming of the outside world and asking people to vote affirmative. So while I go pretend that the outside world isn't scary, vote affirmative.

Pocahontas says goodbye to her out of state friends.

Mulan wonders why there are two men wrestling on her medal.

Ariel is congratulated for breaking to finals.

Rapunzel anxiously waits outside her finals room.

Debate romance! Remember the side hug.

Anna is in denial about breaking to finals

A Whole New Year

(To the tune of 'A Whole New World' from Disney's Aladdin.)

I can show you my speech
Duo, impromptu, mars hill
A dazzling expos,
With fancy boards and lots of flashing lights

I can teach you debate
Take you disad by disad
Topicality, stock issues
A magic Aff-case ride

A whole new year
A new fantastic resolu
No TNW's, or Guantanamo
Or pulling out of Japan

A whole new year
A brand new speech event that's cool
But when I'm watching you, debate that res
I know that I am voting for you
(Now I'm voting for you)

An unbelievable speech
Indescribable HI's
DI's, Duos, Persuasives
Apol, extemp and parli

A whole new year
(Don't you dare drop OI)
A thousand speeches I can love
(Keep your case, it get's better)

I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't back to novice year

A whole new year
(Every round a surprise)
With great new topics to explore
(Every speech it gets better)

I'll give a new speech there
No time to spare
Let me share this great duo with you

A whole new year
That's where we'll be
A thrilling res
A wondrous speech
For you and me

See? Now they're wearing suits. :D

(Vote affirmative, because it's a new year.)