Things Change - The Third Year Chronicles #9

(People do these a lot, right? Letters to themselves, what they wish they'd known two or five or ten years ago. This one is to little novice me, specifically in October of 2012, about a month before the first tournament.)

Dear Hadley,

It's your novice year. The start of your speech and debate career. The start of many friendships. You're starting to overcome your fears. You shake when you stand up to give a speech, and, I'm sorry to say, you still will in the years to come. But that's okay. It's mostly adrenaline anyway.

You're afraid. You don't want to disappoint all the people who keep saying you're going to do well this year. Don't let the pressure get to you. Listen to what your coaches say and you'll do fine. You won't win every round or get first place on every ballot. You may have to wait a year or so for trophies, but that's fine. Trophies seem so big and unattainable right now. Hold on to that. Let 1st place ballots matter. Don't treat them like they're ordinary. Someone ranked you  above seven other competitors. That's not something small.

Right now, a month before your first tournament, you're still wondering why you got yourself into this. The elephant in the room hasn't gotten much smaller than it was at debate camp. You barely know the difference between solvency and significance, and the word 'parametrics' makes you dizzy. The thought of giving an impromptu speech makes you want to curl into a ball and weep. That feeling will go away--mostly.

And, oh, the people. So many people. Right now it seems as though you know everyone's name, yet no one knows yours. That will change. Soon, people will run up to you, calling your name, greeting you with all the enthusiasm of Daniel Martin. Your days of pathetic friendlessness are over. You'll make many friends this year. However, not all of them will stay your friends. That's okay. You'll find new friends--or they may find you. The people you think you'll stay friends with for a long time won't always do as such. People who you think you won't ever be close to may surprise you.

Things won't always be this way. No year is the same as the last. Things change, and they change quite a bit at times. Some things get easier--impromptu speeches, debate research, speaking in front of others. Some things get harder--keeping friendships, staying within time limits on all your speeches, Things get stressful and crazy. Sometimes they may break your heart.

You'll learn how to overcome your fears and your pride and your insecurity, though those things never truly end. You'll learn how to face failures and face successes. But you know something that I seem to forget: it's not about the stress, the trophies, the fifth and belows. You're not focused on those things right now. You've heard stories of success and stories of failure. Losing stories and 1st place trophy stories. The point of all of those stories: the trophies and medals and 1st places don't matter. What is important is the people. The people in the stories. The people in your life. Make time for people--not things.

Things change. Hold on to what you have now. Hold on to moments. Embarrassing ones (there are lots of those), awkward ones, devastating ones, wonderful ones. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather, in humility, value others above yourself. (Philippians 2:3. A good verse there, lovey.) Remember that, when everything seems chaotic, that God's love will always remain.

It's my third year. Things here are different than they were two years ago when I didn't know what permutation was (still trying to figure that out, actually). I watch novices like you as they start to grasp what this whole debate thing looks like (though some have a pretty good idea already.) They ask questions I immediately know the answer to--then I realize that I asked the same questions when I was a novice; when I was you.

Parli, extemp, duo, DI, finals, medals, trophies, green checkmarks, humility, laughter. Stress, headaches, e-ring, clean up, emails, insecurity, tears. It's life in speech and debate, and it gets crazy sometimes. But crazy is good, right? So don't be upset that things are changing. There is beauty in change, even in heartbreak. There it beauty and wonder and sometimes pain.

Hold on to right now. Don't cling to it as a comfort zone, but remember it. I was you only two years ago, but things have changed. They'll change even more in the future, I'm sure. But, wow, it hit me hard this year. Don't be afraid, even if things do change.

Yours truly,
~Hadley Grace

(P.S.- Remember to always, always vote affirmative.)

(This post is part of a series called The Third Year Chronicles. Click here for TTYC #8.)